HELP

This time I am in.  Not only did I find out my sister-in-law has cancer, but I went to pain management last Thursday, only to find out that they asked me to leave the program because they have not been able to help me in 10 years. Here is the best part- I have been on methadone 90mg and 45 of oxicodone for the last 8 or 9 mo or more.  They cannot help me detox. I feel as though I have been hung out to dry.  The doctor says he has no means of detoxicating me. He is not licensed for it. I have some pills left because I never took the full amount. But what if I did not?  Now what do I do? The two places here -that I know of to detox, have people who work there and I know them. Just what I need to have it spread all over town I'm a junkie. I have enough pills to just scoop them up and drink them down with something(I don't drink) and just end all this mess.

Hi November

November,

I am terribly sorry to hear about your sister-in-law.  I do hope that things will go well for her and your family.

I am very upset at what has happened to you.  I would call this PM Clinic back and tell them that they are putting your life in jeopardy with discharging you this way without helping you to either find another Doctor or helping you find a safe way to detox.  They should be reported to your State Medical Board.

Do you have a Family Physician you can turn to for help?  That would be my first choice, after calling the PM Clinic back. ( Sara's thought) I also agree with Sara.  If you are still in uncontrolled pain, how is detox going to help you?  It seems to me that you need a recommendation to another Pain Management Center.  And you may have to travel some to find one.

If for whatever reason you DO want to go into detox, and you do not feel comfortable going to ones in your town, call them and ask for referrals that are in neighboring cities.

And as DC suggested, you can always get help through your local ER.

November, as bleak as things look right now, you will get this worked out.  Please remember that and never give up. We are here for you and want you to come and let us know what it happening.  Hugs honey, Stevie

November- I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I know what its like to feel like everything is just falling apart and there is nothing you can do. Please hang in there.

Hi Everyone:

November,

November,

Have you decided where to go for detox?  To one of the centers in your town?

The only person who has to feel that you are making the right decision is YOU.  Period.  It does not make any difference what anyone else thinks.  It is also your right to choose who you do or do not tell.

I have to be very upfront and honest with you.  I know how hard you have struggled with your life, relationships and pain since you have been a member with us.

Maybe going off of the meds, or at least getting them lowered or changed is the right thing to try right now.  We have members who have gone into rehab on large amounts of narcotics and have left rehab not completely off----but way down to where their pain was manageable and they were able to function.

I don't have the answers for you.  I surely wish that I did.  However, if you can do this with good supervision and feel that it is in your best interests, then go for it.  You aren't going to know how you feel until you try this.

I will be wishing you nothing but the very best, honey.  Please let us know when you will be going and how things are going family-wise during this trying time.

I am very glad that you have such a good relationship with you SIL, and that she also has you to talk to during this trying time in her life.

Love and hugs, Stevie

November,

They are trained there to help you.  They will, that is what they do.  Don't worry anymore about that PM Doctor.

I understand how you want your life back.  I try to take the smallest amount of medications I can so that I can function as well as possible.  I have, as many of our members, given up my career and a lot of things that I loved to do.  But as DC says "When one door closes, another opens".   I believe that.

So, give this a try.  I am not saying or thinking that you may be able to do without any pain medication,  or maybe a different type, but maybe with help you can get back some of what you have lost.  Or find new avenues of interest.  Not be so isolated and lonely.

That is all we can ever do here, isn't it?  To try to help each other live the best lives we can.  We all want that for you and we are going to hang in there with you.  Promise.  Oh, and remember.  We NEVER say the "Sorry" word around here.  And you aren't complaining. Stevie

November,

November,

I'm so sorry to read your post and hear all you're going through.  I'm very sorry to hear about your sister-in-law as well, it sounds like the two of you are close and there for each other, which is great that the two of you can support one another.

As far as your pain doctor, I ended up in a similar situation with my first pain doctor.  The previous receptionist always called to remind us of our appointments and I'd missed one when a new one came and hadn't called.  I called to reschedule my appointment, and received a certified letter that I was being dismissed "because I didn't apologize to the receptionist".  I'd never missed an appointment before and was devastated! I'd asked to talk to the doctor, who I WOULD have apologized to, not the brand new receptionist, and I'd been with the doctor for years.  Many of my other doctors said I played into her hands and as someone who wasn't improving and was a complicated case (plus had a previous lawsuit against the surgeon who I was injured with), I'd given her the excuse she needed to let me go. The only GOOD thing is she gave me another refill prescription on Oxycontin so I had the chance to find a new doctor- of course with all the pain sites I read online, I was terrified of even finding one who'd accept me, especially 7-8 years ago! The next doctor switched me to Methadone, and I ended up going to 90 mgs until just recently, so it was almost a straight switch from Oxycontin.  Anyhow, the doctor who's letting you go SHOULD give you enough to get you to a new clinic, which would be 1-2 months dose.  It's not that you have the chance to get into one without a new script to carry you to the next stage, and 90 mgs isn't a small amount of Methadone.  If you were going down 20 mgs that would be easier than going down 60 prior to going to detox!

I'm not sure if you live in a city or country, but what I did at the time was make a list of pain clinics and also spoke with a few detox places, most of which were 30 days.  It seems to me your doctor should at least treat you until you can get down to 30 mgs, since it should be taken slowly and as your body can handle it and not done as fast as you can.  Also, even if you found another pain doctor, perhaps that doctor could help you detox if that's what you really want to do? In my case, I have intractable pelvic nerve pain so while I've gone up and down on my current medications with my new doctor, I've found what I do and don't need.  I've been to three places total, and ironically the second place after I was dismissed from the first was THE BEST pain doctor I've ever been to.  She helped get me off a lot of the meds I didn't need in the first place, increased my nerve pain medications, and I was finally not bed-ridden after about 9 years. 

I obviously can't tell you what to do, but know how frightening it is to be let go when you're currently physically dependent on a strong amount of medication.  Frankly, unless we abused our medications, no patient should be dismissed without enough medication to taper down off of safely or to have a decent amount to get to a new doctor.  Even with my first doctor, I had enough to find another and thank goodness I did, but I was sure I wouldn't and cried for days over it not knowing what to do.  It's a frightening place to be, and many of these medications should be supervised when we go off of them from the beginning.  I know the one place I thought of going for detox said I couldn't be on a single medication despite being diagnosed with intractable pain and having been there for some time, I knew I'd need some kind of medication to help with the severity of pain from the pelvic nerves burning constantly, so that basically made up my mind to find a new doctor and see how it went.  I know it's not easy to find new doctors and it's scary to be in that place when one treats you so badly, but in my case it was for the best for a change!

How long have you been on Methadone? You're down to 30 mgs already or that's where they expect you to be? Methadone's a tough one because it stays so long in the body, so the withdrawals may hit you further down the road.  That happened to me with Clonazepam, and according to the ambulance attendants I ended up in a week after going off it too quickly, I should have been tapered off real slow due to the length of time and amount of my dose.  If you feel extremely jittery and panicky, sweaty, can't sleep or hold in any food, and so on, these are signs of strong withdrawal.  Also, a racing heart beat and high BP is very common.  My heart beat stayed around 160 for over a week, so I finally went to Urgent Care and was in the hospital 20 minutes later.  You shouldn't have to do this on your own, and shame on your doctor for not helping you though this first part!!! Don't hesitate to go to the hospital if you're struggling too hard, or see if a clinic will accept you earlier if needed.  Being physically dependent is NOT something to be ashamed of at all, most of us here are physically dependent on some type of medication, and would be expected to taper down slowly off of our medications if it came to it.  One other idea is talking to your pharmacist about what's normal to expect and what isn't so you have a better idea of what you'll be feeling like, since it can be real tough once tapering down and withdrawals start.  It angers me that this is happening to you- please know we're here for you to vent to and support you during this time.


Kat

Again, I'm with Judy.  There just isn't anything more to say, but that we're here for you if you need to rant or some cyber-hugs.  Just know you are not alone.

November,

You need to be monitored while you are coming off of the Methadone.  You should not be doing this on your own.  Methadone does have a long half life and is stored in the organs and fatty tissues of the body. So it will take longer than you think to see it completely eliminated from your body.

Have you called the place where you are going that won't take you until you are down to 30mg and asked THEM how to safely reduce the dosage? 

Are you also coming off of oxycontin at the same time?  I hope not.

Please get some guidance here before you too quickly go from 90mg to 30 mg.  You could get into trouble physically and now I am worried about the Oxycontin as well.

Keep us posted and please remember that you may be able to get help from the local ER.  Call them and ask if there is someone who can guide you safely through this, but call the detox center where you are going first.  Stevie

I was just going to say to go to the ER and let them know what's going on November, this is definitely NOT something to be messed around with honey.  We don't mean to scare or alarm you but this is a lot more serious I think that you may realize?  Please, get some professional help on this, even with tapering down the methadone to the 30 mg, it still takes extensive monitoring and time!  I have a niece on it, and it's taking months!

This is all way too much of a shock to your system, and you'll be I have to assume extremely ill, and you don't want that.
Please let us know what you're going to do, we do all care about you.

Hugs
Donna

November, I my best wishes are with you right now.  I had a doctor like that, I am on 9 meds, some of which are heavy narcotics and others such as moderately high doses of lorazepam - he would do it on almost an every two month basis, cut me off cold turkey for only a few days.  Just long enough for the withdrawal to get to a bad place. 
Everything that you have been saying hit me really deep as at one point, he cut me off for longer than just a mere couple of days, just out of the blue, over the Christmas holidays too (and with my family....that's a rather stressful time) and it sent me overboard.  I however, had no one to turn to, and did act on that desire to want to get away. The thing is, I have lost two people who were extremely close, to suicide, and it's something I take very very seriously and with a heavy heart.  I know how it affects those around the person who takes said action, but at that point, I needed the pain to stop, and I needed the anxiety and the withdrawal to stop. 
After that, I started going to a psychologist specifically trained to deal with Chronic Pain, and cleansing my life of all the negativity - as much as possible.  Friends that were toxic (ie- judged, spread rumors..gone.  I ended up walking away from my aunts and uncles and most recently, my brother.  In return, I am closer with my parents, and my friends that actually make the effort to accept me, and even understand. 
Not to mention, when my doctor pulled what he did Christmas, once more (and also missed a diagnosis that ended up knocking me (literally) face first in the mud, and extremely ill) I had more control over any urge to do harm to myself.  I struggle with other things such as cutting or other sort of, ticks, caused by the pain, but I have been able to sink so low where I have craved for nothing more than escape, but had the strength to turn away.  Are there any centers for mental health and addiction there?   I know that's not what you have, but I went to that when I was worried about abusing medication I had, and they were able to helo out a bit. 
Please please know that there are so many people that love and care for you, and so many people that can relate. All of whom are here for you in this trying time.  I send you hugs. 
please take care, and be kind to yourself. 

^Same here November. I hope you are ok.

By the way my back is killing me I need to find a new PM group asap.

Good to hear from you November.  I hope things start to improve for you really soon.  Take care and let us know how things are going, ok?

Hugs, Spicey

Hi November, it's so nice to hear from you again.

I hope you get the PM group that you need. You

need a good rest right now. When you feel rested

we really want to hear from you.

 

Roni

           

Hi November,

I can't imagine going through what you have. 

I do think that you have come a long way in dealing with the situation with your son, and while it is heart wrenching,  you don't deserve that cruelty. Hopefully someday he will come around and mature.

November, hopefully you will find someone to treat you adequately for the back pain without the awful side effects you were going through on the methadone.  I am very happy that you are feeling better physically.  Please keep us posted.  Stevie

Hey November, Good for you, making it through rehab. it must have 

been a  long 8 days and hard to go through. You surly seem exhausted

for sure, but it's great you are starting to feel better. I hope you find a

new PM soon. Sorry you are in so much pain w your back. Keep us up

dated and get that rest that you need.

 

 

 

Roni    

November,

Hi Everyone:

Thanks Stevie!  I will read these articles.